{Our Story} Diabetes Hurts

by Leighann on March 21, 2012

Typically Q has a positive attitude about diabetes. She attributes it to being able to do some pretty cool things like being on the radio and in the newspaper. And she’s super excited about going to diabetes camp for the first time this summer.

But when I picked her up one afternoon this week, she asked me during the drive home if she could scream. She wanted to scream about diabetes.

Not wanting a headache or a freaked out little brother, I told her that as soon as we got home she could go either into the bathroom or upstairs to her bedroom and scream as loud as she wanted.

I asked her why she wanted to scream.

She said “Diabetes hurts. Blood draws hurt. Pump changes hurt. CGM’s hurt. Injections hurt. And all those finger pokes hurt.”

She had a good point.

When we got home she grabbed the mail, handed it to me, and headed upstairs.

I heard loud screams coming from behind her closed door. Then came the crying and the yelling.

“I hate diabetes! I hate diabetes!”

I let her have a few minutes to herself and then I told her brother that Q needed me and I’d be back down in a little while. I sat on her bed with her and she laid in my lap.

She told me she wished that diabetes had never been invented and that no one knew that it existed because then she wouldn’t have it.

Just last week she asked me what happened when people got diabetes before they discovered insulin. I told her truthfully that they didn’t live for very long because your body needs insulin to turn food into fuel. She said that she’s glad that she lives now and not then.

At dinner I asked her if she was happy again, to which she smiled and replied, “Yes.” I said, “Sometimes we just need to get it all out. It’s okay if you need to scream and cry and yell sometimes.”

***

Maybe she’s suffering from some good old fashioned diabetes burnout.

Maybe asking her to be open-minded about trying the CGM* is too much for her to handle at this moment in time. She goes back and forth on whether she likes it or not.

Maybe it’s her quarterly endo appointment coming up at the end of the week. She has asked several times if they are going to do a blood draw and I keep telling her I’m not sure, because I honestly don’t know if they will or they won’t. Blood draws are quite traumatic for her.

Maybe diabetes just sucks and having a positive attitude has it’s limits.

She rarely complains about diabetes, though she has every right to. So if she needs to scream and cry and yell once in a while, I think I’ll let her.

And then I’ll hold her for a few minutes and we’ll get on with life.

*Medtronic Disclosure. Many posts coming soon about trying out the CGM.

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{ 13 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Moira March 21, 2012 at 7:04 am

Sigh. When Lauren was little and in excellent control like Q is, every once and a while her endo would let her skip labs, including the a1c, he’d say ” you are doing so well, let’s take one lab vacation this time!” I wonder if you could ask your endo ahead of time to do that? It means you don’t know the most up to date a1c but it might make her happy ?

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2 Leighann March 21, 2012 at 7:10 am

Luckily our A1c is done by finger poke. But once a year or so they do a full blood work up. For some reason she’s been thinking about that possibility.

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3 Debbie March 21, 2012 at 9:26 am

I like that idea…amazing what Dkids think is a big deal……a real vacation is NOT getting blood work. WOW!..

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4 jenni@talkinghairdryer March 21, 2012 at 8:15 am

I think that’s the part I can’t forgive…the innocence lost, the ability to shelter them lost, the experience of normal lost…

You did exactly what I have done. It IS ok to get it out. It’s the only way to stay sane 🙂

Brooke doesn’t like the blood draws either. She starts asking at the end of one visit when we’re making the appointment for the next one if there will be a blood draw.

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5 Julie L March 21, 2012 at 8:25 am

What a smart, healthy way to get out frustrations instead of keeping it buried where it can grow out of control 🙂
It’s also great that she can identify what she’s feeling and why.

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6 Debbie March 21, 2012 at 9:23 am

Great valuable story – for all parents, and grandparents (that’s me) of our type one kids. It DOES get old at times. Our 9 yo has days when he gets mad at the drop of a hat…and takes it out on his big sister…..sometimes he just goes in his room and bury’s his head in his pillow and screams.. then comes out all smiles. We feel we can’t let him take it out on those around him….all boys have stages when they don’t know what to do with all the feelings locked up inside. Listening is ALWAYS a good idea, when they are ready to share. Good luck with Q and all you Dparents out there!!

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7 lisa March 21, 2012 at 10:10 am

Brought tears to my eyes, these kids are just so strong and brave. Damn right they sometimes just need to scream and let it out, good fo Q for not bottling it up.

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8 Rob Muller March 21, 2012 at 1:52 pm

Thanks for posting this. It has to be such a relateable inspiration for parents … all parents. It was for me.
Q is amazing, and good on her for finding a constructive way for letting her frustration out. She’s wise beyond her years.

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9 Denise aka Mom of Bean March 21, 2012 at 2:28 pm

Yep, sometimes you just gotta scream and cry!!
Glad Q was ale to ‘get it out’ and move on…valuable lesson to learn in life, not just with D!

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10 shannon March 21, 2012 at 4:45 pm

yes this is completely relatable to me and my 12 year old. she feels the same about blood draws at the endo and will only wear her cgm on special occasions (sleepovers, halloween, etc.). glad you both powered through it.

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11 Kristin March 21, 2012 at 6:25 pm

I often feel that way as a parent – can only imagine how T1 kids or adults handle the pressure as well as they do. Q sounds pretty sane – amazing! 🙂

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12 Mike Hoskins March 22, 2012 at 8:09 pm

Oh, this is so heartbreaking. But a the same time, inspiring. Because Q is wise in knowing that sometimes you just have to scream it out before getting back to the smiling. Thanks for posting this! You rock, Q!

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13 Lorelie March 25, 2012 at 7:58 pm

I don’t know how I’ve have my diabetic for 4 years and not stumbled across your website before now! Let me just say “Thank You!” I look forward to perusing your posts, learning more about your story and maybe finding help that I could still use. I’m amazed and grateful that you were able to take an extremely frustrating disease and do something positive about it here. THANK YOU SO MUCH!

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