Typically Q has a positive attitude about diabetes. She attributes it to being able to do some pretty cool things like being on the radio and in the newspaper. And she’s super excited about going to diabetes camp for the first time this summer.
But when I picked her up one afternoon this week, she asked me during the drive home if she could scream. She wanted to scream about diabetes.
Not wanting a headache or a freaked out little brother, I told her that as soon as we got home she could go either into the bathroom or upstairs to her bedroom and scream as loud as she wanted.
I asked her why she wanted to scream.
She said “Diabetes hurts. Blood draws hurt. Pump changes hurt. CGM’s hurt. Injections hurt. And all those finger pokes hurt.”
She had a good point.
When we got home she grabbed the mail, handed it to me, and headed upstairs.
I heard loud screams coming from behind her closed door. Then came the crying and the yelling.
“I hate diabetes! I hate diabetes!”
I let her have a few minutes to herself and then I told her brother that Q needed me and I’d be back down in a little while. I sat on her bed with her and she laid in my lap.
She told me she wished that diabetes had never been invented and that no one knew that it existed because then she wouldn’t have it.
Just last week she asked me what happened when people got diabetes before they discovered insulin. I told her truthfully that they didn’t live for very long because your body needs insulin to turn food into fuel. She said that she’s glad that she lives now and not then.
At dinner I asked her if she was happy again, to which she smiled and replied, “Yes.” I said, “Sometimes we just need to get it all out. It’s okay if you need to scream and cry and yell sometimes.”
Maybe she’s suffering from some good old fashioned diabetes burnout.
Maybe asking her to be open-minded about trying the CGM* is too much for her to handle at this moment in time. She goes back and forth on whether she likes it or not.
Maybe it’s her quarterly endo appointment coming up at the end of the week. She has asked several times if they are going to do a blood draw and I keep telling her I’m not sure, because I honestly don’t know if they will or they won’t. Blood draws are quite traumatic for her.
Maybe diabetes just sucks and having a positive attitude has it’s limits.
She rarely complains about diabetes, though she has every right to. So if she needs to scream and cry and yell once in a while, I think I’ll let her.
And then I’ll hold her for a few minutes and we’ll get on with life.
*Medtronic Disclosure. Many posts coming soon about trying out the CGM.